Today was the most trying day at work.  It's really not a bad place to be.  I really enjoy my job.  The problem is when I get overwhelmed and typically I don't know how to deal with it.  I snap at everyone.  I lose the ability to be courteous and sincere.  I am not sure if this is something that I am changing to, or maybe just as I mentioned.  Not knowing how to deal with crazy times at work. 

Oh well.  it's finally Friday and I am at home while everyone is out and about.  Feels good to crank some tunes and just wind down.  I've been on the go since 7 a.m.  I need a vacation.

Yeah, yeah I know.  How can a band possibly do this to anyone?  Well for starters they have some killer marketing and show that sincerity and originality to promote themselves as the teen idols that they are made out to be.  Unfortunately, they have millions and millions of young teenage girl fans who would do anything for them.  Some even go so far as to say they will have a personal relationship with them and become intimate with them at all cost.  What a shame. 

Daughter #1 is completely obsessed with these jokers. She's 17 and has given up everything from her friends and her future goals for these guys.  She used to be so much  into school and aspire to take languages and go further up the educational tree. Now, all she does is text about them, post on her Facebook and her MySpace confessing her love for these clowns.  Again, I am living with a victim of heavy consumerism that is geared to take as much money from whoever it touches.  Unfortunately, it's the teenagers who are the biggest consumers and their target market.  Although the fact that they don't have jobs, they still get to go to the shows, buy the cd's, posters, everything.  Actually with their allowances and birthday cash this is how they do it. 

So now the time has come to start applying for college and she has no clue what she wants to do now.  All she's been doing for the past two years is this crap.  She's shunned a bunch of her friends and her family for this.  She has befriended like minded girls from all over the country and they talk and text each other about this foolishness.  You better believe I am pissed and I am about to write them an email or someone from their organization. 

 I can truly understand liking bands and having favorite since I was a musician at one point in time.  Come on...enough is enough and this obsession has got in the way of a childs dreams and aspirations.  It doesn't help that every time the radio or tv is on that's all you see.  I am up in arms about this situation.  I know being a parent I should be in control of this situation, but teenagers are teenagers. 

I just hope everything turns out for the better sooner than later......

It's been a tough few years.  You see, we have a blended family and no one is far from being an expert as yours truly.  I've struggled and continue to do so.  I thought I had it under control, but in reality I don't know jack about raising kids and sacrificing things for them. 

Anyhow my oldest daughter "#1" is pretty much on her own all the time.  Being the oldest and my first baby she was never by herself at all.  She just chooses to do so these days.  I feel so out of touch with her.  Of course we have nothing in common and I often wonder what to do.  Everyone has a ton of advice, but in reality each situation is difficult.  I've never been a 17 year old girl so obviously I am out of touch.

Next in line is my stepson "#2".  He's difficult for me to read.  I admit I have nothing in common with him and it's actually separated us apart.  I have a lot of expectations that I have for him that have missed and I totally hold it against him.  I know, I know.  I can't be too critical of a 16 year old boy but for some reason I am.  Maybe there's something I have hidden in my past that makes me resent him somewhat.  I don't know?  My wife and I have come to butt heads about this and honestly I don't understand what I am doing wrong.  I do love him a lot, I just can't relate.

My middle daughter "#3".  Who is turning 12 in the next few weeks.  She still stays at my ex-wife's and I worry about her constantly.  She seems to be drifting away from our family and I don't know why.  I think I was too confident in the fact that my situation was better than where she was at. The constant competition for her against my ex-wife is totally ripping into our relationship.  I am saddened every time I talk to her and she has other plans and would prefer to stay at her house.  Understandable that she's 11 and all her friends are there.  She really has no peers in my town since she doesn't go to school or spend enough time with us.  Frightening. I do think about her all the time. 

Finally is "#4".  Since she shares and lives with both her parents she's got a different outlook on life.  She's the baby of the family and she knows it.  At the age of 4 she's pretty much got everyone in the house wrapped around her fingers.  She's intelligent, beautiful, and hopefully one day follow my footsteps in the arts.

That's a brief introduction of my children.  My life, my everything.  I am trying to do better to raise them in a godly home and trying to show them how to live life.  Not telling them, but showing them since I've found that leading by example is something they respond to over being taught, scolded, and threatened to.  My wife and I are working on things too since life at home has been nothing but strained as of late.  I value my family and my wife.  I did this for the long haul and it wouldn't be fair if I didn't sacrifice a few things for them.  I pray daily that I am guided into a good path that allows us all to live in harmony. 

Looking back at my upbringing I had one dad and one mom and that's it.  They were the heads of the house and rulers of their domain.  There was no step anythings or half anythings.  We were a family and a family we stand to this day.  That's the example I take from my parents and that's the example I need to apply to my situation and our family.

This has been a rough week for me for sure.  I am also sure I am not the only one on Xanga that's seeing red.  Can anyone indulge and let me know what your source of frustration is this week???

For me it all started with an ex wife who can't seem to outgrow her teenage years.  She attempts to live in the shoes of my/our teenager and can't accept the fact that we are divorced.  First off she was the one who left us behind for greener pastures.  When that didn't happen, she was determined to make us as miserable as she is.  She truly cannot accept the consequences of her actions.  Lay in the bed you made.  This is what you want and this is what you get.  The unfortunate thing is that she still has custody of one of my other daughters who gets the brunt of her anger.  Poor #3.  She deserves so much more, but she's afraid to speak out against her own mother for fear of retaliation. 

I sure hope that other people who are out there please put your children first before you think of yourself.  Especially if they are minors.  We don't need anymore messed up people in this world.  There are plenty.  Take care of your kids and love them while you can.  Whether you have custody of them or not.  They are your children and only you can love them like they need.  Don't ever choose something or someone else over them.

Man does that ever burn me up.

Earlier this evening I was at the local library with my number 4 (code number for my 4th child).  Anyway, #4 is usually really good at public places.  We make a habit of frequenting the library every week or so.  I am convinced she will become a linguist.  Her vocabulary at the age of 4 (no pun intended) is simply phenomenal.  I am by no means bragging since this is my child. 

Anyhow, we happened upon another child at the library who was cute enough, but a mischievous type.  She was jumping all over the place, stading on tables and chairs and had no regard for the patrons at hand. 

It was strange that her mother who was there was on the computer,and not paying attention to her other children also. They we older and certainly had more control over their own actions.  She was busy on no other site but "MySpace". 

I think that Myspace is the equivalent of crack to some people.  I mean knowledge of the internet and usage is making the world a much, much smaller place which is a good thing.  Although seeing this situation this evening I couldn't help but think that people who have addictive personalities should at least moderate their usage and or cut it out altogether. 

Losing sight of your kids or just choosing to ignore their behavior in public is inexcusable.  Every library personnel had reprimanded the child numerous times and where was the parent?  Oh yeah Myspace.  Ridiculous.